Permanent Obsession

It has become an obsession to lose weight, and the question is “to be or not to be”. “I am losing weight,” I declared at the beginning of the year.  It seemed to me appropriate to have such a declaration.  It’s something that most of the “fatsos,” how I call on the fat ones, do at this time of the year.  Looks good, nice to say, everyone will accept that.  What can happen if I declare something else…like...I am becoming a writer! People would have looked at me with that weird face.  I don’t want people looking at me with a weird face, I want to first lose weight and second be accepted.  Fits in! Well…I have some challenges.  I like to eat good tasting food and also large quantities of it.  I guess that is because I suffer from anxieties.

Now that is a great word…anxieties!  It’s a great explanation for any deviation from the plan. Why is it that anxiety works well for me?  Well…let me tell you that the word anxiety might not be the right one to use.  I looked it up in the dictionary and to my surprise anxiety means, “distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune” which does not fit into my psychological profile and I don’t like it.  As I’m writing these words I am getting a little preoccupied, I’m not going to look at the meaning of  “psychological profile” in the dictionary, I might get a definition that I am not willing to live with.

But…coming back to my…lack of determination, to avoid the word anxiety, and I wonder, “how many people use the words without knowing what they mean?”

Stay focused Ernesto Salvador, I tell myself.  That, and only that, is the reason that you don’t lose weight and that you can’t follow your word.  Nobody does, however, that is no excuse for me not doing what I said, besides, I want to. That is the reason why! 

That might be the most powerful tool to get things done.  No covering one eye!!  Let’s go back to the reason why should I lose weight?  I will start with “looking good.”   That is just conceit but, oh well...I like myself!  Do I have to admit that publicly?  It might not look good to others that I feel better than them, but…I don’t care that much!  The second reason is to have good health.  In this department the heart is the king.  Today I bought a bottle of Omega 3.  My doctor recommended it to me a year ago.  My excuse is that I have not been in the store for a while, and if I have been in, I have forgotten or…mmmmm…indeed…the same thing over and over again.

Persistence, commitment…uyyy…what words!  Hearing the word commitment makes my body gets goose bumps.  Ah perseverance and persistence, the “p” words, as above.  In Spanish we call it “fuerza de voluntad”.  That, in fact sounds much better to me than “will power”.  “Will power” sounds like a country song from Albert Hammond!

OK, OK, back to the point.  I gathered that from the amount of explanations and the running away from the subject that I’m not going to loose weight and that’s looks like a fact.  I love eating and indulging!  Indulging is an awesome word alright!  It makes me feel great, at that moment.  How many times have I heard to people saying that you must live in the moment, the present!  There…great explanation.  I’ll live in the present and... be fat in the future!